Straight paths.

So it's been quite a while since I last posted, and much has happened. First of all, I left the country for about a week and a half last month. I went to Ecuador, and it was incredible. [to read updates, click here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/257699264289961/]. I enjoyed hanging out with llamas, eating awesome food, putting rock climbing walls together, planting trees, and singing with the Ecuadorian youth!

I am STILL on my relationship fast, though it has been difficult! It's been difficult to remember that this time of singleness is being used to continue to heal from my last relationship and to really prepare myself for a serious long-term relationship in the future. I'm not quite ready for that yet!

However, things have been going okay. I started recording my first CD on Monday, which is really exciting! It's the next step that I've been praying about for quite some time now! To see the amount of support has been really cool, too. I always question my future and what that's going to be like. Going to a Christian university, I'm always hearing, "WELL, IT'S GOD'S WILL FOR ME TO TEACH", or, "I feel like God has called me into social work" or something like that. It's always about God's will and God's calling.

For all those out there that think the same thing I am about to say I do, here is my encouragement for you. Throughout my twenty years of life, throughout my ten years of writing and wanting to be a "singer", throughout my five years of playing guitar & writing more serious music, and throughout my three years of pursuing a degree that I don't 100% want, there have been PLENTY of doubts in this area. I'm sure there are people in the world that can adamantly tell you that they KNOW they are pursuing the right thing. There are missionaries in which opportunities arose and doors opened that allowed them to go places they never thought they would go. There are people in careers they would have never imagined. My own Bible professor told our class that it seemed merely coincidental that he ended up at my school for only one man remembered him and gave his name to the staff.

So, for those of us that DON'T know our "calling", it's really difficult. Sometimes we're left thinking, "maybe I don't really have a calling after all". Some people I've seen have one calling and then leave it to pursue another. I've seen friends who had one idea then got engaged, and everything changed. Their life goals are different, and their plans for their future are different, in order to accommodate this new life.

It's a typical question to ask someone what their major is. The harder question is what they want to do with their life. When I'm asked about my major, I deem it necessary to further explain that I don't want to be a "social worker". I don't want to do "case work"; I don't want to "advocate" in courts or organizations or anything like that. So why is my major social work?

Am I "wasting" this $20,000 something per year that I pay in college? No. However, I am not in college because I desperately need or want this degree. Sometimes I question if going into college made sense financially, but either way, I kinda have to stay here until I graduate. If I leave school, I'm stuck in debt and paying thousands of dollars in loans. Commuting to school has made life a lot easier, though.

I have a major and am pursuing this degree simply for the fact that I do like college, and I do like this experience, but I also want a degree. In this society, it makes sense to have one. Do I absolutely need one for what I want to do? I don't think so. What I want to pursue is music and missions work. So why don't I go to school for music? I was a music major for half a semester, and I hated it. It wasn't for me. I don't want to be an opera singer or music teacher; I want to be a contemporary musician, so the music program and I did not get along.

It just makes more sense for me to be in college- meeting good people, taking great classes, having some awesome teachers, learning about some really important (and some not so important) stuff, challenging my mind, and getting a degree in something I may want to look into for the (aLONGtimeafterIgraduate) future.

Am I absolutely 100% certain that I'm "called" to do music? I have no clue! I don't know what God has for me. I certainly hope so! I just take the opportunities I am given and continue to pray that everything comes together! When things like this ability to record come up, I feel like it's the next step of confirmation I need in order to move forward!

Understanding God's plans for us is a hard thing. Sometimes we can't tell what He wants us to do. Sometimes we don't feel like we hear from Him at all. Sometimes we he know what He wants but don't want to do it. Either way, take comfort in the fact that He has a plan!

Last year I started to write a blog about this. I wrote:

"At this point in my life, I often feel like I’ve gone a million steps backwards. I’m no longer with the person I thought I was supposed to marry, and I’m not sure what I’m doing tomorrow, nonetheless with the rest of my life! Through all of the craziness of this past year and even my whole life, I’ve just learned to trust God through all of it. As I said in my last post, He has some plan for my life that I really don’t know or understand quite yet, if I ever will.

You probably know that verse from Jeremiah 29:11 that says, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That says it right there! God has plans! My plans for the rest of my life probably won’t last. Geez, when I was in first grade, I wanted to be a teacher. When I was a freshman in high school, I planned to go to community college. A few months ago, I planned to be engaged within the next few years!Obviously, I don’t want to be a teacher, I’m not at a community college, and I’m not going to be engaged anytime soon.

So, needless to say, my plans suck. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t have any plans for ourselves or our lives, BUT what I’m saying is that we can’t always trust the things we promise ourselves. We can’t always expect our plans to pan out the way we picture them to, because God sometimes has something different for us.His plans are perfect, and He knows what He’s talking about, unlike us! We may THINK we have it all together and know what we’re doing, but as I said, we only see a tiny pixel of a huge picture of our lives. We just keep walking when we can’t even see what’s ahead of us."

I still feel that way! We can be encouraged, even when we're confused. I'm pursuing this career in music and missions, and I have no clue where I'm going to end up. For now- I'm content with graduating from college with a BSW in 2013, playing my music in coffeehouses, and taking each day as it comes! I have an idea of where I'd like to end up, but I'm just going to keep moving forward... unless God closes a door.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6