Not gonna write you a love song.. Just a love blog!

So this week was pretty uneventful compared to last week. It's been almost a month and a half since I've been home from school, and I haven't done much that's productive... but honestly, who cares about productivity right now? It's SUMMER!

Tuesday I literally did nothing. I'm pretty sure I woke up at 5, ate, showered, and then went on the computer the rest of the night talking and blogging and whatnot. Last night I went to Steff's and scrapbooked for a little until meeting up with Garrett at Medport. I actually got FOOD this time! I took a risk and got pasta (hey, it's a risk eating pasta at a diner when you're Italian). We just sat and talked and ate for a while then decided to go back to Garrett's. Me & Garrett had tickle fights (and he knows I always win them) and we watched a little bit of Bruno, which was pretty gross. We still had fun, though. Then I slept over Steff's and continued to scrap book while she slept.

Today I woke up at 3 because Steff made me wake up!! We watched some TV until I went home to get ready. Thennnn I went to Mary's house for a girls night... but it ended up being me, Kels, and Mary. We talked and ate and hung out and watched Bride Wars. We finally left at about 12:30, and here I am again!

I was trying to think of what passage of scripture I wanted to write about next, but I wasn't sure what was bugging me too much recently or what I've been wondering about...

Hmm.. you know what I've been thinking a lot about and feeling like ranting about recently?? RELATIONSHIPS. So therefore, I am going to spend the rest of this blog talking about my take on relationships and dating (probably not the whole of it, but just in general).


Before I begin, LISTEN TO THIS:
[ http://glowingnose.com/site/index.php/2010/05/07/the-single-life-being-happy-as-a-christian-single/ ]
It's freaking awesome and on point (especially to the next things I will say in this blog.)


First off, let me tell you what I think about guys and girls. AS A WHOLE and TOTALLY MY OPINION: guys can really be stubborn about showing how they feel, and girls can be overly crazy about showing how they feel. This ends up with some pretty mixed up signals. Guys can be so afraid to tell a girl how they feel, and a girl can end up leading a guy on with her actions. Now I'm totally saying this from my experience and what I have seen in the dating world. This can totally be opposite, but I honestly can't stand when relationships are that way.

ANYWAY, it's funny because I just watched a clip on someone's Facebook about if guys acted like girls. [[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJ6WpVSutrM ]] . Watch it. It's incredibly funny and so true that I can't even be angry at those guys for doing it! As I've said in earlier posts, the differences between guys and girls are hilarious.


Okay, but other than that, I've recently been struggling with being single. Sometimes I'm like, "okay, it's nice to be single, but is this God's will for my life? am I going to be single FOREVER?" You probably are thinking that I'm foolish for saying this because I'm only [almost] nineteen, right? You'd be surprised. When I'm not surrounded by this culture, I'm not thinking about it. When I'm on mission trips, when I'm working with kids, when I'm having fun and living my life, I'm not thinking about, "oh, I neeeed a boyfriend!"

You know when I'm thinking about that? When I'm at school, walking to class, and I pass at least six couples holding hands; when I'm watching the fifth movie in one night about romance and falling love; when I'm seeing new relationship statuses pop up on my Facebook news feed; when SOCIETY is telling me that I need to be in a RELATIONSHIP in order to be HAPPY!

Think about it.....


1. How many DESPERATE singles do you know personally?
I could name quite a few. You know, the ones who are always complaining about not being in a relationship. I would know; I used to BE one! (If you think I'm EVER bad now, you should've seen me at 15). The ones who literally stalk 'mutual friends' on Facebook or Myspace if they find them the least bit attractive; the ones who become real close friends with every girl/guy friend they have, hoping to maybe 'one day be more than friends'; the ones who like every guy/girl they are friends with upon first meeting them and are destined to pursue them; the ones who constantly try to get their friends to hook them up with their friend's signficant other's friends or just any single person they are friends with.

Where does this pressure come from??


2. How many MOVIES do you know of that don't have ANY love/romance involved??
Maybe Finding Nemo.. I mean that movie was more about a father's love for a child. Other than that, I can't think of any. Even Disney and Pixar movies (and anything animated) has the slightest bit or even a lot of romance! In Toy Story, Woody has a crush on Bo Peep. In Ratatouille, Colette, the pretty French chef, and Linguini, the idiot cook, fall in love. In Lion King, Simba falls in love with Nala.


Belle loves Adam.
Aurora loves Philip.
Cinderella loves Prince Charming (no real name).
Ariel loves Eric.
Snow White loves HER Prince Charming (Ferdinand??).
Pocahontas loves John.
Gosh, even Mulan loves Shang!


And other [Disney] movies such as Enchanted, Peter Pan, Up, Chronicles of Narnia, Bridge to Teribithia, Pirates of the Caribbean, High School Musical, Cars, Freaky Friday, and Alice in Wonderland ALSO include at least one, if not an entire movie's worth, love scene.

That's JUST Disney. We're not even counting Mean Girls, Hangover, 500 Days of Summer, I Love You Man, Bride Wars, Hitch, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, Fireproof, Spiderman, Serendipity, Shallow Hal, Titantic, Braveheart, Slumdog Millionaire, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Dear John, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Just Friends ALSO include at least one, if not the ENTIRE MOVIE filled with, love scene(s).

And HOW could we POSSIBLY forget LIFETIME MOVIES?? Pregnancy Pact, Too Young to Be a Dad, Cyber Seduction, No One Would Tell, She's Too Young, and pretty much every other Lifetime movie are all ABOUT lust, love, and sex!

How about TV shows? What would a TV show be without a little premarital sex and romance? Sex and the City, 7th Heaven, Secret Life of the American Teenager, Greek, The Hills, Family Guy, Simpsons, Eight Simple Rules, Gilmore Girls, Bachelorette, Grey's Anatomy, House, Desperate Housewives, Smallville, iCarly, Ugly Betty, and Make it Or Break it ALSO include at least one, if not all about, love scene(s).


3. When you turn on the radio, what's the first thing that comes on?
I know the hot, top, #1 song on PST right now: Your Love is My Drug. What about Already Gone, Paparazzi, Nothin On You, Self Esteem, White Flag, Hey Soul Sister, Just For You, Tattoo, Misery Business, In My Head, I'm Yours, Haven't Met You Yet, Two Is Better Than One (I ALWAYS hear this one, and it makes me sick), You & Me, Here Without You, Love Song, Please Don't Leave Me, Wannabe, Bleeding Love, She Will Be Loved, and According to You? All songs about... well, love, and how much we NEEEDDD it to breathe! Goodness, if we don't have a significant other, well then, how much do these songs SUCK to listen to?


4. Is it possible to read a book without there being some kind of love interest?
Examples? Wuthering Heights, Romeo & Juliet, Gone With The Wind, It Had to Be You, Message in a Bottle, Love Story, Outlander, Pride & Prejudice, The Great Gatsby, Twilight, Harry Potter, and so many others featuring people falling deeply in love.

5. Valentine's Day.
A holiday "created by Hallmark" to tell your crushes or loved ones how much you love them by buying them flowers, cheap chocolate, and stuffed bears. Should I say more?

6. PDA. How often do you go to a public place and NOT see couples holding hands, making out, or laying all over each other?
Some of you think at a Christian school, this action is nonexistant. Nada. Maybe it's more "calmed down", but it is DEFINITELY there! As I said, whenever I'm walking to class, I always see couples holding hands. And man, when it is 'Facebook official', it is ALL the rage to comment and say the following: "AWWWW", "FINALLY!", "I knew it!", "♥"! So basically, everyone is in a relationship but YOU.... or at least, that's how it feels. Every one of your friends is in one. Every Disney character is in one. Every Movie/TV star is in one. Every Artist/singer is in one. Your parents are in one. Your sister is in one. Your brother is in one. Your cousin is in one. Even those creepy people you know are in one! Everyone seems to be in one except... well, you.


So... where's the pressure come in? Well, hm, let's see. Could it possibly be the love songs, the movies about love, your friends always talking about love, fairy tale stories about love, and the overwhelming lonely feeling that you have when you just don't have somebody to cuddle with?


DON'T GET ME WRONG! Love is awesome... when it's in the right... context, situation, I don't know what word to use. Love and relationships are a good thing, but are they all that there is??

I am already predicting singles to love reading this and people in relationships HATING that I say these things, and maybe it could be true that I am biased to this, but honestly, I think it's true! I think if we focused more on important things in life (yes, love is important, but romantic relationships really aren't everything) than instead of being sooo lonely and unhappy when we are single or even in a relationship, we would be so much happier with life! When I'm out serving people or serving God, I'm totally oblivious to the fact that I'm single. It's not just because I'm "keeping busy", but because I'm not focused on something that's not priority #1 in my life!

Before I went to Africa, I was having some 'relationship'/'liking someone' issues. When I went to Africa, I totally forgot about the issues. I felt no relationship pressures or anything like that; it was so great. I honestly would rather NOT be bombarded with pressure to be in a relationship, which is bad because I go to a Christian college, and I don't know if YOU (reading this) knew this, but Christian colleges are the WORST with pressuring people to be in a relationship. People are always wondering what God's will for them is- whether they're meant to be in a relationship or not, and if God will bring the right person into their life, or, forgive me for saying it, want to get married so they can 'rightfully sleep with the person they're with'. There is just so much pressure to be in a relationship!

The media tells us and the world tells us that relationships and a significant other will make us so happy... but it's not totally true! I think that being 'in love' (keep in mind, not lust, and love in the right context) can be such a great feeling, but it's something you work at. It's never always easy, and it means sacrificing a lot. Love is about thinking about someone other than yourself. Love isn't just those butterflies and first kiss jitters and date nerves; it's a lot more than that.

Contrary to popular (media) belief, one person cannot make you whole; they cannot make you fully happy or content with life. Only Jesus can do this. No matter how much you love someone, they just can't make you completely happy. Somehow, in some way, they will disappoint you; they will make mistakes; they will hurt you. Humans are flawed like that. It happens! My point is, relationships are wonderful, but they are NOT all there is to live for!

I'm not trying to bring ANYONE down who is in a relationship currently. This is more for all the single people out there who are obsessed with finding love or all the people who are in relationships and are absolutely obsessed with the person they are with. I am simply trying to give you a perspective which maybe you have never heard before. It's not a popular one, but hey, it saves you a lot of unnecessary heartache.

Stop searching for "the one", and start trusting God. Let things happen. I'm not saying God is going to throw a significant other down to you from the sky or anything. What I'm saying is, is that if your focus is on God, all things will come into place. When you most WANT a relationship is honestly when you LEAST need one! Relationships shouldn't be anyone's first priority in life. They are something to be cared for, they are something to be valued, and they are something to be fought for, but they are NOT everything.

I know, I know, you're lonely. Hey, I get lonely, too. Sometimes, certain things happen, and I'm like, "ya know, it would be GREAT if I had a boyfriend right now". For instance, whenever I play my music, I think that it would just be so convenient if I had a boyfriend to play my music or jam with. But I honestly think the best thing is just to be content with where you are at before being in a relationship. I've heard people saying there's this 'huge' difference between happiness and contentment.. especially in relationships. You know what I think, I think, if you're going to focus on anything like that, focus on joy.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

This means SINGLE OR NOT, be JOYFUL! Be joyful in CHRIST! Christ's love means WAY more than anyone on this Earth's love could. I'm sorry if that offends you, but it's true. It's right there in the Bible. Jesus paid an ultimate price for all of us that no one else could pay.. not even your boyfriend, girlfriend, or love interest.

I'm not saying God calls us all to be single and that love is such a bad thing, I'm certainly not saying you feeling lonely is a SIN! I'm telling you that maybe you being single isn't such a bad thing; maybe God is trying to teach you throughout your singleness; maybe there's stuff you have left to do while being single; maybe you're just better off without a significant other right now. The Bible definitely praises love; there's a whole book dedicated to it, and many blessings have to do with love and children, BUT, again, our desperation and loneliness shouldn't feed off of just that and say, "well, I know being desperate/lonely is okay because the Bible and everyone else says I should be in a relationship right now".


The apostle Paul in the Bible puts it this way in 1 Corinthians 7:

"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband..........

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs— how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world— how he can please his wife, and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world— how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Singles, the Bible is on our side about this one :) Paul isn't saying that NO ONE should EVER marry! He is saying sometimes it is in your best interest to be single! This way, you can aim to be completely focused on God, instead of another person!


It's OKAY to be single!!!


In an interview with Joy Williams (Christian singer), she says:
"Paul talks about being single, it’s a gift to be single, and although innately we love the thought of being with somebody and being united under the covering of marriage God can use you so much more, and you can focus so much more during that time of being “alone” to really fall more in love with Christ. And you’ll never even be able to love someone else, if you haven’t experienced the love of Christ. So in the meantime, be prepared and ask God to prepare your heart for whatever he has for you in the future, whether or not that is a relationship or continually just walking hand in hand with God."


GlowingNose podcast (see link above) states in their introduction:
"As a member of 'gifted', I am often getting my feathers ruffled when I hear someone talk about being single as if it is some kind of disease. When the Apostle Paul talks about being single he says that it is his preference! How dare we downplay that just because we’re tired of going to couples only events alone."

In the actual podcast, the narrator tells us:
"I did a quick online search, looking for people to interview for this podcast, an author or something, but most discussions are either written by priests trying to comfort folks or they overuse the word "content" or "contentment" as if you've lost a limb and have to learn how to get over it. Let's face it, in our culture, being single is like being treated for a disease."

Another funny "news break" from the podcast (made me chuckle):
"WE INTERRUPT THIS PODCAST FOR A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE CDC. RIGHT NOW, AT THIS VERY MOMENT, PEOPLE ARE LOOKING DOWN OUR STREETS, DATELESS PEOPLE, THE KIND OF PEOPLE WHO ARE OKAY WITH SPENDING THEIR FRIDAY NIGHTS AT HOME, LONERS WITH ENTIRELY TOO MANY CATS, MEN WHO GO DAYS WITHOUT FEELING THE NEED TO PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES, WOMEN WHO ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO FACE THE FACT THAT HIGH HEELS ARE ACTUALLY DEATH TRAPS DESIGNED BY ANKLE SURGEONS. BE ON GUARD FOR THESE PEOPLE, AND MOST OF ALL, DO NOTTT BE FOOLED BY THE SMILES ON THEIR FACES. THEY'RE SPENDING CASH IN THEIR WALLETS AND THE FREE TIME THAT THEY ENJOY. THEY ARE MISERABLE, GUILT RIDDEN, SWEAT PANTS WEARING, SAD WRETCHES OF HUMANITY." [overdramatic for comedic purposes, but don't we truly look at singles as if they are diseased?!]

Podcast lists reasons to love being single! Check it out:
"Selfish but, oh, so sweet"
1. I don't have to pretend to like sports, ballet, video games, or professional wrestling to in order to impress my [spouse/significant other].
2. Kids make everything sticky.
3. I don't have to have a grown-up job if I don't want to! [someone usually gives up a dream in a relationship]
4. I can go on vacation without ever having to check in.
5. My cellphone bills are very, verylow.
6. I can leave a party without having to listen to my date whine.

[Oh, just listen to the darn thing yourselves! It's good stuff.]


My list? (Some things are going to be similiar).

1. NO needing to call/text a significant other everyday.
2. NO worrying about being 'flirty' or talking to my guy friends.
3. Freedom to grow in my relationship with God and with my other friends. girls nights & sleepovers! :)
4. NO awkward break ups or fights.
5. Creativity & free time [not squashed by having to see a significant other.]
6. Time to focus on what I want to focus on, instead of my heart ruling over my brain and spending way too much time on a love interest.
7. NOT hearing about or pretending to like sports or other stupid hobbies that I hate.
8. (Campbell's chicken noodle soups...) POSSIBILITIES! [new relationships; new friendships; dating]
9. Being able to go anywhere/do anything without having to make sure a boyfriend is tagging along (for his own security).
10. Less stress trying to always please a significant other [compliments, gifts, little things, etc].


Sure relationships have perks, but so does being single!


So, next time you hear that song on the radio, read that sappy love novel, or cry after watching that love story, and you think, "woe is me because I am lonely and have no one to love me", just remember exactly where your focus needs to be: on Christ, the ultimate satisfier =).


As the podcast says, "ACCEPT YOUR PLACE AND LOVE IT WHILE IT LASTS!"




Can I getta AMEN? ♥

Calvary.

I went to bed at a little before 7am this morning. I woke up to my only best friend telling me that the boy she likes now likes her. I kept smiling when she told me about it, but then I started to feel kind of sad. Things change when you're in a relationship. Friendships just aren't the same because your significant other becomes, if not top, than a high priority. This is TOTALLY understandable, but I am allowed to say that I don't like it very much. I know that I should totally be happy and supportive, especially because she deserves this more than anyone I know, yet it just makes me sad because I already feel left behind. Even if I shouldn't feel this way, I do; I'm only human. It's really hard on me having all friends with someone in their lives they can love, if not a significant other, than a best friend. She was my best friend, but now she will have a significant other in her life.

If I was someone else, I'd probably be telling me that I'm being selfish and stupid.. but come on, I know how hard is it to hang out with your best friend without wanting to talk about or talk to the person you're dating. I know how hard it is to not spend a lot of time with them.

I know it's easy to feel left out if you ARE the best friend who isn't in a relationship.

Now I sound like I'm insulting her ability to be a good friend. She's a wonderful friend, and I know she'd be such a good girlfriend, too. I know she would know not to be obsessive or clingy or needy or anything like that.... Perhaps I'm just being foolish at this point; I'm just worried, is all.


I guess it just has to do with being left out, with being the only one who doesn't have "anyone".


Yet, it's funny that I say this because when I am feeling all out of love and no one seems to really care about me, I remember that there is just one person who, in fact, died for me out of love.

Isaiah 43:4 says, "Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you..." It is crazy to think that the same God who has created everything loves me so much and thinks that I am precious. Think about what we humans desire so much... we desire to be love and cherished. This verse says that we are honored and loved by God.

An even better verse to show how much God loves us is the ENTIRE chapter of (MY own little commentaries are italicized and in parenthesis.)

Psalm 139:

O Lord, you have examined my heart,
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.

(He knows us better than anyone else ever could.. even ourselves!)
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.

(He blesses us and lets everything work together in our lives for the good [Romans 8:28])
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

(We cannot even fathom this kind of love as humans because we are so flawed.)

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!

(He is never separate from us. while humans may leave, He never will.)
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.

(We am being held and guided by the hand!)
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

(He created both darkness and light and can see us through both even if we can't see Him through the darkness in our lives.)

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

(I picture a spider so craftfully knitting together a web; God so craftfully made each of us with time and care.)
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

(Every flaw, every imperfection, as well as every characteristic and beautiful part of us is created by Him for a reason; we are His masterpieces and works of art.)
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

(He knew us before we were even born. He loved us way before anyone else could have. Unfathomable, but how amazing.)

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

(We make mistakes and have qualities that people won't like and may disown us for, but God stays with us and still thinks we are precious.)

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.

(Through our battles, God is on our side.)

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

I don't know about you, but I cannot find a significant other who fits all of these amazing qualities that God has! If I made a "boyfriend list" of things I want in a guy (other than the physical aspects), it would probably sound something like this:

-Loyal
-Strong
-Leader
-Kind
-Loving
-Caring
-Understanding
-Smart
-Giving
-Thoughtful
-Sympathetic
......etc!


It's funny because God is all of those and SO MUCH MORE! He is loyal (Psalm 139:7). He is strong (Psalm 139:10). He is a leader (Psalm 139:24). He is kind (Psalm 139:17). He is loving (Psalm 139:18). He is caring (Psalm 139:1). He is understanding (Psalm 139:2-3). He is smart (Psalm 139:13). He is giving (Psalm 139:5). He is thoughtful (Psalm 139:4&6). He is sympathetic (Psalm 139:22).


I can't stop listening to the song "Love Me" by JJ Heller. It's just so relevant to my situation right now..

"Love Me"

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please,
Could you send someone here who will love me?”


..Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means


Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…


..Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means


He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home..”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, “I know you’ve murdered, and I know you’ve lied;
I have watched you suffer all of your life,
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...


I will love you for you,
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love, the love that you never knew."

 I didn't always feel love from my parents. I know for sure that they love me so much; they have given me so much and provided me with everything, yet sometimes they are not capable of loving me the way I need to be loved. Sometimes they lack emotion and don't know how to express their love to me.

 I didn't always feel love from my friends. I know for sure that they love me so much; they have been there for me, laughed with me, and cried with me, yet sometimes they are not capable of loving me the way I need to be loved. Sometimes they lack emotion and don't know how to express their love to me.

 I didn't always feel love from my former boyfriends. I knew for sure that they loved me so much; they listened to my problems, comforted me, and had good times with me, yet sometimes they were not capable of loving me the way I need to be loved. Sometimes they lacked emotion and didn't know how to express their love to me.

 God expresses the love that I need right there in Psalm 139. God used David (the author of this particular Psalm) to explain the amazing love that God gives each one of His children. Sometimes humans fail at giving us the love that we desire, but God supplies all of it.

God gives me the love that I have never known or have never gotten from my parents, my friends, and my former boyfriends.

Calvary... is marvelous.

♥

It's Complicated.

I changed my Facebook relationship status to "It's Complicated"... because my life is complicated.

Yeah, I know. I'm cool.


This time last year I was getting ready to graduate, getting ready to go to Ukraine, getting ready to audition for the music program at PBU. I had just bought a car, didn't have my nose pierced, and wasn't sure what the heck I was doing with my life for the next year.

In just two months, I will be 19, entering my sophomore year of college as a social work major. Last summer I flushed my dream of interning in Ukraine down the toilet, and PBU isn't doing a trip to South Africa next year. I have no idea what country I will be visiting next, but I really want to be doing something with traveling this time next year in my life.



What AM I doing with my life? I'll tell you. I'm sitting here on the computer, deleting 330 friends on Facebook and reminiscing what used to be.


It's complicated.



I wish I was going to Ukraine this summer...

I have settled.

In general, my week was pretty eventful. On Monday, as I mentioned before, I hung out with Emily, and that was wonderful. Then on Tuesday, I slept over Melissa's grandmother's house (she was out of town) with Laura up in Pine Hill. It was SO nice to have a change of scenery... although it was a nutty night. I actually cannot really say much about that night, because I would probably get in a bit of trouble with some of my friends if I did. Let's just say it was pretty interesting. On Wednesday, they dyed their hair, and then we hung out with Melissa's family at her house and played that Wii dance game and watched movies.

Then Wednesday night I slept over Steff's, and we watched Bride Wars and Love Actually. I cannot even count the movies that I have first seen at Steff's house. Every time I'm over, we watch some movie that I haven't seen yet: The Hangover, Running in Cars With Boys, It's Complicated, I Love You Man, and countless others.

Thursday was my obvious night to contemplate my life, hahaha. Friday was AWESOME. I went to Fuel, which was pretty cool, in general. It was about worries and trusting God with them. Like I had said, I had been praying about God teaching me what I need to hear right now, and man, this was it. This was the passage Erik spoke from:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single day to your life?

Why worry about your clothing? Look at the lillies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not beautifully dressed as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of those that don't believe, but your Heavenly Father already knows all of your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own."

-Matthew 6:25-34


How cool is it that the verse is talking about how much God cares for the animals and creatures of this Earth, even though some of their life spans are one day. Yet if He can care so much for those creatures, how much more can He care for US? That verse really shows how worthless material things are in this Earth.

This is something I struggle with so much. I always want more stuff because I have friends with jobs or wealthy families who have so much more than me. This is why I LOVE other countries, especially when I went to South Africa. I felt so ASHAMED almost to have more than they had! I loved being able to give toys to my favorite child, Dickey, and his brother. I knew that the money I had would be going to worthless stuff anyway, so it meant a lot to me to give it away. My family was never wealthy or anything like that, so I always wished I could live in a household where we felt "comfortable" financially. I mean, we have been okay my whole life. I have always been able to get things that I have wanted and never asked for that much anyway. I know that I am EXTREMELY beyond lucky financially, but still, right now, after my dad getting laid off for the second time in ten years, we are trying to recover from the economy, too. We have been worrying about simple things like shampoo and food. My mom can't buy my favorite Maple Syrup anymore because it's getting too expensive. It sucks, but I know that I am still lucky to have a family who can afford a HOUSE (not a shack) with things that I want and things I need.

ANYWAY, back to it... we all wrote our worries (my life was huge- death, relationships, depression, appearance, school, work, etc) down on a piece of paper then threw them into a chiminea (I just found out that this a fire, hahaha), symbolizing our letting them go and giving them to God. We worry so much about things when God has EVERYTHING all figured out! I tend to forget that God has someone picked out for me to marry, so I get worried about being in a relationship. I tend to forget that God has the troubles of yesterday, today, and tomorrow figured out, so I will either dwell in the past or be afraid of the future. I tend to forget that God works everything out and that I am TAKEN CARE OF! As Erik reminded us, anxiety accomplishes NOTHING.

SO, after that, we had small groups and worked through our worries. As usual, I was in a wonderful small group. We mostly talked about being scared of the future and of losing people that we love. It was really helpful to hear other people's wisdom and then to know that I am being prayed for.


THEN after that, a few of us (like 10) went to Medport. It was nuts. I love Fuel people. I met some new guys, so that was fun. We had a really good time hanging out. This time I paid for my OWN brownie sundae. Then we went into the parking lot and hung out there. I really wanted to be a middle schooler again and play Truth or Dare, so we did for a little while. Brian took us to Wawa and bought me Salt & Vinegar chips and Reeses, which was pretty sweet. I ended up getting home that night at 2:30. I didn't go to bed until 6.


On Saturday, I went to Amanda's house to swim with her and Paige at around 5, so it was kinda cold by then. Yet, we still swam; it was freezing. After we were numb, it was good, though! After having a few hours of craziness at her house, I went back home. I got absolutely no sleep. I tried sleeping at 6, but it didn't work that well.



Running on less than three hours of sleep, I picked up Paige on Sunday and went to the Fuel barbeque. It was a pretty good time! We ate lots of food, played Rock Band, chased Joe around and then messed with his Facebook, played ping pong, and just hung out. Then Paige & I came back to my house and ate and hung out. We watched 500 Days of Summer and then played games the rest of the night, haha! We played Trouble and Cranium! Well, actually, we just picked up the creative cards and played charades and the fun cards. After laughing an incredible amount, we fell asleep.. I think it was at 3. I have not gone to sleep before 4 pretty much the whole summer.


Today, Paige and I watched Wedding Date, which was horribly stupid. I can't stand Debra Messing in the first place, but especially in that movie. Paige just left a little while ago, and hopefully I will see her again soon. =)


Crazily enough, I am here alone again! It's so frustrating. I have so many thoughts in my head, so many things that I really wish I could talk about to someone, yet I am not close enough with anyone to share my feelings. I feel like I have, yet again, put up walls against people =/. Such a bad habit, but it's what I have been doing most of my life! Just another thing God and I will have to work on.....


This is just why I would like a boyfriend or a best friend. Watching movies like Bride Wars or I Love You Man makes me realize how nice it is to have both in my life. Although I am content in God, it would be so nice to have a true best friend or boyfriend. You know what this makes me realize?


I HAVE SETTLED. My whole life, I have settled for people in my life that treated me like crap. For instance, I had a best friend for about, I don't know, eight years? More recently, we stopped being friends, and I'm so glad we did, honestly. I loved her friendship for so long, though she was like a damper in my life. I tried so hard to help her and to love and support her. I did that for all those years. I was there through all of it, even when she didn't call me a best friend. She basically publically wrote that she didn't have a girl best friend, when I was the one to let her back into my life after destroying it. Then she had the nerve to introduce me as her best friend to a family friend.


I settled for her friendship because I thought I had no other choice. I thought I was doing it for her because I knew I needed to start thinking more of the other person in friendships rather than myself, but she didn't care about me at all. I wasn't priority in her life anymore; in fact, I wasn't anything. For so long, it had just been us. We were such good friends, and I loved her personality. Now I can't stand it.



I'm not using this to bash her, but to rather prove my point in this. I was waiting for the friendship that I had for all those years to come back, but it wouldn't. She changed. I changed. Our friendship changed. No matter how much I wished things would be the same as they were, they aren't. It changed too much. She stopped telling me anything for fear of judgment. I stopped telling her anything for revenge of her fear. She grew colder to me and would always have this attitude that I hated. I stayed friends with her, thinking it would go away, thinking she would magically become the person she was three years ago, thinking I would mean something to her again. That never happened.


This is the same with boys. I have always settled for boys in the same way. I liked what I thought they were or what I wanted them to be, but that's not how a relationship is to be. Sometimes I thought I just wanted the attention and affection, but then realized, as they lead me on with attention and affection, that I wanted an actual relationship. Then I say it's their fault for leading me on, but it was totally mine for denying the expectations that I know I had. Now I can never really be sure when I should be in a relationship because I'm afraid that I will only like someone so that I can be with someone. Relationships are so confusing.


Any relationship is confusing, whether it's with the opposite sex or just a friend. That's the great thing about Jesus. He's not confusing.. yet at the same time, He isn't coming to Earth to give me a hug when I'm crying or to physically talk back to me every night. This is why He gives us people: to do that for Him. This is why I want a best friend or a boyfriend. It would just be so nice to have that human connection with someone, anyone.


Now that I'm starting to sound desperate, I'm going to start looking for pictures to scrap book. Since Steff bought me this scrap book, I've been excited to do something seemingly productive.

As a side note, my body is now constantly craving healthy food. Ice cream has been making me feel sick, along with other junk foods. It sucks, man.

This is for when you tell me that I think I am perfect.

How can I possibly be positive when I feel so awful?

I feel like I've failed at being everything I'm "supposed" to be, and am left wondering what I need to be now.

I'm not a good daughter.
I'm not a good sister.
I'm not a good friend.
I'm not a good Christ follower.
I'm not a good girlfriend.
I'm not good at anything.

Everything I thought I was good at being or doing.... well, I'm not.


I'm left wondering how, "you are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you" (Isaiah 43:3-5) could ever possibly be true.

I have this paranoia and anxiety that I can't get rid of. I don't trust God enough. I don't read my Bible like I should. I don't know if I'm ever doing things NOT out of selfish ambition. I'm starting to become hard to communicate with. I feel like I'm socially awkward sometimes. I think about changing the career path I'm headed towards because I am sure that I will not ever make enough money to live. I get angry at people when they cry out for attention. I can't stand my parents, especially my dad. I find it so impossible to forgive certain people in my life. I push every single one of my friends away. I wish that someone could give a crap enough about me, yet I find so much time to think about myself. I keep myself busy so that I won't have to think about all of the problems that I have or that I won't have to deal with them. I have never liked the way I look and remember every negative comment made about me since I was eight years old. I get angry so easily when people make mistakes, but I am so sensitive to when people get upset with me. I lead people on that I have no intention of being with, yet I am hurt when someone does the same to me. I am a hypocrite. I talk about growing up but I still expect to be treated like a kid to my convenience. I don't give people the credit they deserve. I am not patient with anyone. I can't deal with anything or anyone in my life.

Worst of all, there are things wrong with me that I don't even know about yet.

Why is there such a long list?

I write this because I am pretty sure that not many people that read this (if anyone), and the people that do, well, I'm really shocked, because that means something.


How do I even begin to deal with this?

What's even better is that I know your advice. I know your verses. I know your "I'll be praying for you". I know what you wish you knew how to say but can't.


I DON'T WANT YOUR ADVICE. I JUST WANT YOUR TIME.


I just for once want someone to come over with a six pack of Reeses, give me a hug, and hang out with me all night.. without me having to text them and say it. (because I'm the initiator, and I'm sick of it.)



I want to cry.



So much for being positive. I told you I would be honest.

Being vulnerable.

I'm going to admit, my recent posts have been borderline negative (the last one not so 'borderline', but rather actually negative.) This is because, as a writer, I want to be vulnerable and honest with my faith.

Someone once told me that, when they met me, they quickly realized that what they saw was just who I was, nothing more or less. What they meant was when you meet me, I don't hide things. If you don't like me, you're not going to like me from the start. All that I am is right there at the table in front of you as soon as you meet me. I don't like to sugar coat my personality or anything else in my life.

I can say that's not always the greatest trait; it can get me into some trouble sometimes. Yet you will always know you can trust me to be honest with you. I'm honestly no good at lying!

You know what I want this blog to be about? I want to show you all what life as an eighteen (almost nineteen) year old girl in a Christian school is like. Not just any college student, but a girl who had to grow up with anger and a lot of pain and depression before she got to where she is.

This is MY (and God's [first]) story. No one elses. Everyone has their own unique story. This is mine. This is my story about a girl who had to experience a lot of pain before really learning who God is. The story, mind you, isn't over. I've been dealing with a lot of pain recently. Going to a Christian school has been one of the hardest experiences I've ever had to deal with.

Building Christian relationships (especially at school) is so hard for me when I didn't grow up with them. I didn't grow up with people saying, "Hey, how's your relationship with God going?". I didn't grow up with verses taped to the classroom walls. I didn't grow up with teachers praying for me. I simply didn't grow up in a Christian lifestyle, so trying to live one now is honestly difficult. Keeping up with the Bible is hard because I don't want it to be just a routine. I want my relationship with God to be genuine, but at the same time, I know how crucial reading the Bible is to my faith.

I have recently become so weak in my prayers and faith, and I want that to change. I need to keep being encouraged by stories of faith and by really seeing God work in my own life. On the way to the beach last week, my friend, Mary, told me she had been struggling with her faith and that she was praying for God to reveal Himself to her in a big way, and He totally did. So, after hearing that story, I kept praying for God to also reveal Himself to me in a big way and to show me what His calling was for me. One of the first things I had wanted was someone to pray for me. A few days after, my friend, Eric, asked if I had any prayer requests. I'm still trying to listen and look and remember that God is SO big, and He can answer my prayers in such big ways.

There was another prayer answered before the school semester ended last month. I had been praying that God would bring people into my life that actually cared about spending time with me. I had noticed that I was always initiating things with my friends at college- sitting together at meal times, going out for the night, and walking together to class. I was so sick of feeling like those people wouldn't even have an after thought if I didn't text them about meal times, going out, or walking together.

After praying for some good friends, I had finally started getting people texting ME, saying they wanted to hang out and catch up and talk. For the first time in a while, I felt loved my friends. They actually WANTED to spend time with me. A friend named Stacy, who I met, strangely enough, in the work out room one time, initiated us hanging out, watching a movie and talking one day. She actually followed up after talking about doing it. She would actually text me to find out when I was going to the gym. It's such a seemingly small thing, but it meant so much to me.

So, God definitely has answered so many prayers over the past few years. I know He will answer this one... maybe not how I expect, but He is DEFINITELY a God who exceeds expectations!


So, I will make sure to be encouraging but honest in this blog. Hold me accountable to that, will ya? It means a lot to me to know that my friends actually read this. Thank you for your comments and support on things that I write (here and on Facebook). I'm going to start writing about things that matter (and possibly some of my own stuff that doesnt really matter but is fun anyway!)


Aside from this, I had a wonderful day today- more prayers being answered. I spent it with one of my best friends, Emily. We were GOING to swim, but it was just too breezy. Instead, she made me this delicious pasta, and then we ate oreos and talked outside. She desperately wanted to go on the hammock, so we did. I thought it would be fun to swing the hammock around. It was totally fun until we swung it too far and flipped the hammock over... then it was just hilarious. I was laughing so hard that nothing was coming out of my mouth. I couldn't breathe for like five minutes straight.

Then after crazy hammock fun and then noodle fights (and also playing noodle phone hahaha), we ate dinner. Her parents made chicken and rice! It was wonderful. Then we went to Murphy's and bought some sweeett food. Em let me get doughnuts :) Then we watched the Blind Side with her family. Before she took me home, I straightened (she wanted me to straighten instead of curl it, which I wanted to do) her hair.

Needless to say, it was a beautiful day. I hope for many more like it this week and all summer.


Even when things aren't so good, I know that God is always good. Always good. Always there. My friend, Lauren, sends a Bible verse via text pretty much everyday. The one that she sent the other day is one I am currently trying to stand by very firmly:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." - Romans 8:18.


Because He is on our side.
♥

Your judgments vs. My ACTUAL personality.

(this is an actual sign taken from Doha, Qatar in Iraq, where it is NOT okay to hug. We are not in Iraq, so it is OKAY to hug here in America.)

Yeah, it hasn't even been like an hour, and I'm already writing again. I just have something that I really wanted to say.. and I know that probably no one reads this, but it makes me feel better anyway. I'm so sick of people not understanding me. No, I don't mean like, "I'm so alone in my problems and the world cannot comprehend them." I'm talking about people not getting my personality and not responding well to it. I know that I have certain quirks [[call them flaws, if you will, but I don't]] that certainly can "rub people the wrong way" or however you wanna say it. You know what makes me angry, though? People not taking the time to realize what kind of person I am and the characteristics that I have, and so they judge me based off what they first see.

Yeah, yeah, everybody hates judgment, but I'm talking about people assuming that I like them romantically or assuming that I am like them, so they treat me in ways THEY can handle. Whatever happened to loving someone in the ways THEY need to be shown love? Nobody knows how to do that anymore. I know that I am a culprit of this, but I am trying so hard to be different. I am trying to give people the consideration that they are failing to give me.

Ever since I got to college (PBU), people have not understood my personality. For some people, I just come on too strong.. but that's just how I am. I will not "adapt to YOUR culture" so that YOU will feel comfortable. If you don't like me, well then, your loss, but I will not change my character for you.

Let me point out several things that people constantly (especially ones that have JUST met me recently or at college) judge me on:

-----------------------------

---- 1. "Flirting"-
[[mostly for the guys but both apply]]

Before PBU, I feel that this was not as much of a problem. People seemed to know that I am just a 'flirty' type. People always tell me, "well, Allie, why don't ya tone it down?" Hmm, let me think: NO. You know what? My personality is a type that LOVES people and getting to know them. My way of getting to know them may be different than yours. If you call that flirting, that is YOUR problem, not mine. I do not call what I do flirting. It is my way of getting to know people by being ultimately crazy.

Now, here is the problem: people think that I like someone when I am "flirting" with them. Wrong. I have tried several times to explain this to people upon meeting them, and they STILL get it wrong (which REALLLYYYY frustrates me).

Do you know how many awkward conversations I have had to have where a guy thinks ASSUMES that I like him, and is like, "Allie, can we talk?" So then he brings me to some secluded area so that he can, in his mind, "reject me". Then I sit there, waiting for my turn to talk, to awkwardly "reject him" and tell him that I don't, in fact, like him, and that it is just my personality to be a nut around EVERYONE. From that point on in our friendship, it is always going to be awkward after that because the guy has to make sure he's not "leading me on or anything". THIS HAS HAPPENED AT LEAST SIX TIMES SINCE I HAVE BEEN AT PBU. When I wasn't at PBU? Like NONE!

I treat EVERYONE the same. You want to say that's flirting? Then I apparently must flirt with girls, too, because I treat everyone the SAME. People seem to miss that part about me and just assume that I like every boy on the planet. Listen, call me a flirt, whatever, but I like to have fun, and I pride myself on being crazy.

I know you might have been raised to think that if a girl taps you on the shoulder to ask a question, she's tooootally into you, but I grew up in public school where flirting is a normal occurence. I'm used to it, so I think you should be, too, now.

My case in point: STOP THINKING I LIKE YOU "LIKE THAT". I will do my best not to act like it IF YOU DO YOUR BEST NOT TO THINK IT! If I like you, I WILL TELL YOU. If you like me, TELL ME. I hate relationship games.


----2. "Hanging Out"-
[[mostly for the girls but both apply]]

***GIRLS-

I have recently realized how important spending time with people is to me. A friend brought it up recently that she doesn't understand my idea of "hanging out". I've realized that most people I'm friends with don't. Well, my idea of hanging out usually always involves a sleepover. Why? There are a few reasons. They might seem creepy, but hey, it's time people understand me better.

a. I have NEVER liked sleeping alone. [don't even get me started]
b. I generally sleep better knowing there is someone else with me.
c. In general, I have had sleepovers since I was literally five years old, and I have always been particularly fond of them. I like spending the night with people. --- PROBABLY THE BIGGEST REASON
d. I hate driving home at night.. especially by myself.
e. It's more comforting to me knowing, if I am driving home, that someone is coming with me or that I'm not just going to be spending the night by myself.
f. I get my energy from people... and night time is probably like my best time of day. Therefore, I like to spend it with people.

My case in point: I LIKE SLEEPOVERS. Girls, so you understand now, my way of spending time is having a sleepover. Don't do sleepovers? Then we probably won't click. Make sure I know that in the beginning before we try to plan something.

***GUYS-

Here's something simple....

If I want to hang out with you, it doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with you. It means I want to spend time with you as a friend because I find you fun! Are we clear on that??

My case in point: JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO HANG OUT DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE YOU ROMANTICALLY.


----3. "Affection"
[[for ALL genders especially]]

So, I meet many people who aren't very "huggy". That's really a shame because, well, I'm Italian, and, well, we hug. I think it is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS that people think genders shouldn't hug each other.

HEY, WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING COOL? ROMANS 16:16. READ IT.

Even people in the BIBLE recognized the importance of affection. Why don't you?

My love language is, in fact, physical touch. I like to be hugged and held and loved in that way. If you can't hug me, then you can't show me the love. It is as simple as that. Affection is VERY important to me, and if you don't love me enough to be able to give me a simple hug, then, sorry, but you really can't be that close to me. (this is obviously a bit different with pastors and teaches because people get the wrong impression nowadays, which I also think is stupid, because I have hugged teachers and pastors alike. why ANYONE would pervert that is beyond me.)

AND, let me get to that, "WELL, I DON'T WANNA MAKE ANYONE STUMBLE" or "I JUST WANNA HUG MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND". Well, in a nutshell, I think both of those comments are totally dumb and irrelevant. Refer back to the Romans 16:16 verse I just showed you. If you stumble from a little hug, then yeah, I REALLY don't want to be close friends with you..

And also, I know how much a hug means. A hug can make or break my day. My day could be so much brighter just because someone took the time to show me love in that way. Yet you think that, at the same time, a hug is THAT much of a "romantic" thing that you need to pervert it and keep it for "holy times"???? Again, that just makes me kind of sick to my stomach.

My case in point: AFFECTION IS A GOOD THING, AND IT'S HOW I FEEL LOVED. ROMANS 16:16. Read it.


---------------------------------

So, in conclusion, those are some of the things that have really been bothering me lately. There are probably so many more, but that's it for now. I hope maybe you've gained a little insight, knowledge, and understanding about people like me and know how to react to them and love/treat them.

Remember this, I'm just a girl in college who loves to write and has no outlet other than writing, at this point. I don't really talk to anyone, and therefore, I don't really get a chance to say these things or nonetheless how I really feel. I've been really flustered at the recent judgments being passed on me, and I wanted to clear them up.

I know people will be people, and judgments will always be passed, but let's not make one of the FREEBIE mistakes here, K?


Thanks. I really appreciate it.


Time for Super Mario Brothers 3.. Mario understands me ♥.

There's nothing like the joy of a child.

Do you ever look forward to something so much and then are disappointed because it didn't meet your expectations? Yeah, well, that was last night, unfortunately. I mean it was nice to be with friends and play crazy games and wrestle with silly boys but I guess I pictured more than that... I don't know....... I guess that's totally my fault, not the party's or anything! I mean, how often are we disappointed because of our OWN expectations? I'm totally not trying to be insightful or anything because I know this is a given....

Here is my little bit about children:

Well, ANYWAY, I'm going to tell you one thing that just absolutely made my day today. Today was my one out of two Sundays every month where I teach Bible study for a group of preschoolers at church. They are absolutely the sweetest children I have ever met. I do a lot of kids ministries, and those kids are some of my favorites.
Jade and Avery, these two beautiful girls who always come in with bows and pretty dresses, grabbed my hands and asked me to play Pretty Pretty Princess with them; I had no idea what I was doing.

Then later on, we played with this big wooden house with wooden people and wooden furniture. I had no idea what any of the furniture was. So, I would say, "Avery, what is this?", and she would say, "That's a vacuum", or "That's a potty".

I wanted to feel so stupid for not knowing anything about those games and toys, but then I remembered how much it means to them when you ask. Adults are always telling them "how it is", and I know kids want the chance sometimes to be able to explain things to the 'older people'.

Children must love the feeling of, "gosh, adults just don't know anything!" :) I know that Avery was always happy to explain to me that the object was, in fact, a potty, and that Jade loved telling me the rules of Pretty Pretty Princess.
From my understanding, children know a lot. Stop and ask them something once in a while. They will appreciate it!

Also, something else I found interesting was watching the interaction betweem children. I know that God has wired us (boys and girls), from the BEGINNING, to be different and distinguished from each other. So just watching that in action is FASCINATING! As soon as the girls walk in, they go to play with the dolls and ponies. When the boys walk in, they run for the cars and action figures. I just syatyed to notice that there is indeed a reason why one side of the room has all the "boy toys" and the other side has all the "girl toys".

..But it's funny how an occasional game of bowling (the mini childrens toy, of course) can bring the two genders together.

Anyway, I just love hearing the conversations between both groups. I love hearing the girls talk about getting their ears pierced and then seeing the excitement on the boys' faces when they see that chocolate chip cookies are for snack that day. Kids are so wonderful.

For craft today, they made family trees. I taught them the Bible story about how different Jacob and Esau were from each other but that they were still a part of the same family that loved each other.

Before snack, I asked if anyone wanted to pray. Of course, this normally gets a few hands. One boy in particular (I can't remember his name at the moment), raised his hand first and seemed pretty excited, so I asked him to pray.. but I didn't at all expect him to do what he did.....
He started singing.
He started singing this song....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_IrdS-zu48

"The Lord is good to me,

And so I thank the Lord,
For giving me the things I need:
The sun and the rain and the appleseed;
Oh, the Lord's been good to me."




It absolutely made my day.





Okay, now I'm feeling some chocolate milk and Disney movies.


♥

It's party time!

Is it sad that I have been looking forward to game night at Steff's for like the past week? Nah!

It's party time!!! :D

i love summer now that I have a life ♥

2 am. Senseless blogging.

As a college student, shouldn't it be normal that I'm awake at 2 am?
As a college student home for summer, shouldn't it be normal that I'm awake at 2 am?

Except I'm too anxious to fall asleep.
Sometimes I don't even know why.
That's probably common, but not very normal.


>>I just have way too much on my mind. way too much to keep up with...


...which is funny because tonight I went to Fuel (college group at church), and had such a great time. awesome fellowship with new people and good friends, food(!), great message, and then a fun Medport trip afterwards (in which Brian paid for my wonderful Brownie sundae). I even got to meet a new friend, Daniel; him & Erik were both talking to me about theological stuff after I brought up a question pertaining to the rapture (oh, to be a Bible major....). we ended up staying there until 1 am, laughing and giving each other noogies (that was all Tim).

now i'm alone again. what the heck.



..the senseless blogging begins..

Aren't all of the college kids doing this now?

It's been like three years since I wrote in a journal like this. I had pretty much every source of online journal you could have... Xanga, Livejournal, Caleida, Greatestjournal..... and other ones that I can't even remember.

My Caleida was my well known one. It was public and always had tons of pictures. I wish now that I could go back and read it.... but alas, Caleida is dead. :(

I suppose it's better that way. I probably would have become all melancholy and reminiscent and end up being all bitter about it all day. You know, the mind set of, "I wish I could go back..."

I was always really obsessed with writing everything down. It was never about trends... (I actually hate trends, which is funny because everything I have [formspring, facebook, myspace, etc] has become one). It was always the fact that I wanted to REMEMBER my life at every exact moment. I wanted to remember the person that I was and the friends that I had and the life that I was living. Was it maybe to look back and laugh? Was it maybe to see how I've grown? I don't really know.

I guess these blog things remind me of a better time... or hope for better times in the future.
I don't know, but now I'm stuck with it.