Being vulnerable.

I'm going to admit, my recent posts have been borderline negative (the last one not so 'borderline', but rather actually negative.) This is because, as a writer, I want to be vulnerable and honest with my faith.

Someone once told me that, when they met me, they quickly realized that what they saw was just who I was, nothing more or less. What they meant was when you meet me, I don't hide things. If you don't like me, you're not going to like me from the start. All that I am is right there at the table in front of you as soon as you meet me. I don't like to sugar coat my personality or anything else in my life.

I can say that's not always the greatest trait; it can get me into some trouble sometimes. Yet you will always know you can trust me to be honest with you. I'm honestly no good at lying!

You know what I want this blog to be about? I want to show you all what life as an eighteen (almost nineteen) year old girl in a Christian school is like. Not just any college student, but a girl who had to grow up with anger and a lot of pain and depression before she got to where she is.

This is MY (and God's [first]) story. No one elses. Everyone has their own unique story. This is mine. This is my story about a girl who had to experience a lot of pain before really learning who God is. The story, mind you, isn't over. I've been dealing with a lot of pain recently. Going to a Christian school has been one of the hardest experiences I've ever had to deal with.

Building Christian relationships (especially at school) is so hard for me when I didn't grow up with them. I didn't grow up with people saying, "Hey, how's your relationship with God going?". I didn't grow up with verses taped to the classroom walls. I didn't grow up with teachers praying for me. I simply didn't grow up in a Christian lifestyle, so trying to live one now is honestly difficult. Keeping up with the Bible is hard because I don't want it to be just a routine. I want my relationship with God to be genuine, but at the same time, I know how crucial reading the Bible is to my faith.

I have recently become so weak in my prayers and faith, and I want that to change. I need to keep being encouraged by stories of faith and by really seeing God work in my own life. On the way to the beach last week, my friend, Mary, told me she had been struggling with her faith and that she was praying for God to reveal Himself to her in a big way, and He totally did. So, after hearing that story, I kept praying for God to also reveal Himself to me in a big way and to show me what His calling was for me. One of the first things I had wanted was someone to pray for me. A few days after, my friend, Eric, asked if I had any prayer requests. I'm still trying to listen and look and remember that God is SO big, and He can answer my prayers in such big ways.

There was another prayer answered before the school semester ended last month. I had been praying that God would bring people into my life that actually cared about spending time with me. I had noticed that I was always initiating things with my friends at college- sitting together at meal times, going out for the night, and walking together to class. I was so sick of feeling like those people wouldn't even have an after thought if I didn't text them about meal times, going out, or walking together.

After praying for some good friends, I had finally started getting people texting ME, saying they wanted to hang out and catch up and talk. For the first time in a while, I felt loved my friends. They actually WANTED to spend time with me. A friend named Stacy, who I met, strangely enough, in the work out room one time, initiated us hanging out, watching a movie and talking one day. She actually followed up after talking about doing it. She would actually text me to find out when I was going to the gym. It's such a seemingly small thing, but it meant so much to me.

So, God definitely has answered so many prayers over the past few years. I know He will answer this one... maybe not how I expect, but He is DEFINITELY a God who exceeds expectations!


So, I will make sure to be encouraging but honest in this blog. Hold me accountable to that, will ya? It means a lot to me to know that my friends actually read this. Thank you for your comments and support on things that I write (here and on Facebook). I'm going to start writing about things that matter (and possibly some of my own stuff that doesnt really matter but is fun anyway!)


Aside from this, I had a wonderful day today- more prayers being answered. I spent it with one of my best friends, Emily. We were GOING to swim, but it was just too breezy. Instead, she made me this delicious pasta, and then we ate oreos and talked outside. She desperately wanted to go on the hammock, so we did. I thought it would be fun to swing the hammock around. It was totally fun until we swung it too far and flipped the hammock over... then it was just hilarious. I was laughing so hard that nothing was coming out of my mouth. I couldn't breathe for like five minutes straight.

Then after crazy hammock fun and then noodle fights (and also playing noodle phone hahaha), we ate dinner. Her parents made chicken and rice! It was wonderful. Then we went to Murphy's and bought some sweeett food. Em let me get doughnuts :) Then we watched the Blind Side with her family. Before she took me home, I straightened (she wanted me to straighten instead of curl it, which I wanted to do) her hair.

Needless to say, it was a beautiful day. I hope for many more like it this week and all summer.


Even when things aren't so good, I know that God is always good. Always good. Always there. My friend, Lauren, sends a Bible verse via text pretty much everyday. The one that she sent the other day is one I am currently trying to stand by very firmly:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." - Romans 8:18.


Because He is on our side.
♥