It's Never Enough

It’s Never Enough

7/29/12

            I didn’t miss much in updating these past few days. The day after Santiago got sick, I got sick… really sick. I’m still not completely over the sickness, which kind of sucks because we bought all this food to eat, and I haven’t been able to eat barely anything.

            Thursday I spent the entire day in my bed eating fruit, sleeping, and playing computer games. Friday I mustered up enough strength to take Santiago to Quito, where I bought him some clothes as my going away gift to him. Then we went back and just rested at his house. Later on we went to house sit at Juan Carlos’ house. We basically watched a ton of movies because I was still feeling sick. Oh, and on Saturday Santiago went to Condado to buy food, and we made quesadillas, tacos, and ice cream sundaes. I got to watch Tangled, which is one of my favorites, and the cats snuggled me; it was wonderful. =)

            Today we went to my last Ecuadorian church service. I’m going to miss all of the awesome Spanish worship songs and watching them sing so passionately to Jesus. It’s still incredible to me that our God speaks the thousands of languages that exist in the world. He understands and hears all of them. Perhaps that’s why I love languages so much. And yet while there’s so much I don’t understand, there’s so much universal truth in God and in love that I don’t need to understand words in order to feel that here. We’re all united in that love, no matter what race or culture… yet it’s fascinating that there are so many.

            I said my goodbyes to the pastor and other people in the church, regretful I didn’t spend more time there or understand as much as I wanted. Since then, I have just been in Santiago’s house, feeling melancholy and weak. I cried for quite a while today. Santiago cried with me, and then he went out and bought me chocolate milk, something I had been desperately wanting for the past week.

            I never in a million years thought I would be where I am today… and not just literally today, but I mean in my life in general. I’ve just been sitting here listening to “You Are For Me” (Kari Jobe) on repeat, feeling such a sense of loss already. I have yet to go back home (here) to spend time with my Ecuadorian family and friends, but I’m almost scared to do so. I have gifts for each of my family members, and my host mom is planning a dinner for me tomorrow. I also hope to say goodbye to all my friends tomorrow and start my packing tonight.

You know, I knew this time would go by fast. I knew July 31^st would come way too soon. As Santiago and I were walking today, I said to him, “it just doesn’t seem like enough time”. He responded, “It’s never enough”. I gave him a puzzled look and asked what he meant. He told me, “we always want more”, and I stopped and thought about that. That’s really true. We always think we don’t have enough time or things in life, and we are always left wanting more from it. Our prayers so much of the time are more things that we desire. We’re humans, and that’s what we do. Yet God's grace IS enough, and I have to keep reminding me of this in my weakness right now. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

I honestly feel like this just wasn’t enough time here, and yet some people think I’ve been gone for too long! Sometimes I think I’m crazy for having come here- knowing how frustrating the language barrier would be, knowing that my life would completely change, and knowing that it would break my heart to leave, but these have been the best two months I think I’ve ever had. Just to think, that one year ago, I was so depressed, after losing what felt like such big pieces of my life, including a relationship that I fought for. Now I realized that God used all of that, especially that awful year of my life, to bring me here. I’m so grateful to have the sweetest and cutest Ecuadorian boyfriend who speaks beautiful Spanish and cooks delicious food. It’s a challenging relationship (especially now), but it’s one that I’m so blessed to be in. I’m so blessed to have been on six mission trips, to four different countries, learning bits and pieces of languages and now trying to learn one of them fluently.

After all of the pain that year brought, God brought so much better into my life. I know tomorrow and Tuesday I will feel a lot of pain. At the same time, I know God has so much for me when I return to America. Before Madeline left, she told me something she’d realized was that she had things to come back home to and that God would open more doors when she returned. There’s no reason for me to worry here. I am hoping to return here next summer, and Santiago wants to come to America in December, but my journey doesn’t stop here. My journal entries might (because I’ll get pretty busy), but my life doesn’t stop here.

It may not seem like I’ve had enough time here, but I do know the time I’ve been here has been absolutely wonderful. I thank God everyday for this experience, and I’ll never forget these memories.

Thanks for following this journey with me, and please pray for my health, my emotional state, and my travels in these next few days. See you all soon!