A bridge under construction.

Today is day SEVEN of my boy fast, and it's already been fun to see the changes! I have to admit, I have been a bit lonely, but I've seen myself become so much stronger. For some reason I've gotten so many texts from guys recently, but I've been doing well at keeping my boundaries. Ironically enough, I've noticed how much easier it is for me to deal with schoolwork, music, friendships, and all of those things when there aren't all these guys (not friendships, but "flings") around. Yet I think sometimes it'd just be so much easier if I had a guy in my life!

There's another distorted thought! "My life would be better if a guy was around!" Not many people want to admit this, but I believe that's a common thought. People really think life is/would be better/easier/happier with a significant other around.

I just don't buy it. Significant others are GREAT! It's wonderful to have someone to share your life with, cuddle with, spend time with, all of that! BUT life is NOT "better/easier/happier" with them. It's JUST as good without them. It's ALL about how you deal with your life and all about how well you can handle things [independantly/with God].

The truth is: sometimes even when we have someone in our lives, we STILL have the ability to feel lonely. I can pick out so many times where, even when I was with my most recent exboyfriend, I felt so alone. I would STILL cry myself to sleep sometimes. He didn't just make my life better/easier/happier. He was capable of making me happy and making life seem easier, but if anything, I think life was harder with a significant other! Don't get me wrong- we had wonderful times spent together, but it took me a lot of thinking to realize he didn't make my life better. I am the only one, with God, that can make my life better. If I let my circumstances decide what makes my life 'better', I'm always going to be searching for things that will make it "better/easier/happier" and constantly coming up empty, tired, and UNhappy. That's just not a way to live.

I had that distorted thought that my exboyfriend made my life better. I thought that I couldn't live without him because he was my only source of happiness. I thought my life was much better off last summer when I had him, my best friend, and my cousins. My life seemed to be all in place and where I wanted it to be. Now, I don't have my boyfriend or best friend. My life is still in pieces, and I'm not yet where I want to be.

So was my life better then? No! My life is AWESOME now! I'm so blessed! I'm still struggling through it, but I've been given some incredible friends, the perfect counselor [for me], and a support system that comes from the one who will never forsake me: GOD!

I was given the opportunity to play at the coffeehouse on Friday (which raised $30 for my mission trip; last time I raised $70, so these coffeehouses have given me $100!), and got to hang out with my sister and her friend. I ended up telling her about the fast, and she told me a lot about her life and things she was going through. I suggested the fast to her, and I hope that she will take the journey with me!

Tonight I got to go out with some friends, and currently, my friend, Autumn, is sleeping over my house. I was talking to her about the boy fast and trying to explain it with a good analogy. Finally I was able to think of one I'm mostly satisfied with: I tried to explain that it's like a bridge under construction. The workers have the option of letting cars still go through the bridge while it's under construction, but it's not the safest decision. A lot of the time roads will be closed when they are under construction, for safety purposes. This six month fast is like the road blocks. The road blocks tell someone that they cannot take that path for the time being because it's just not as safe. These road blocks are an official way to keep me and anyone who would want to pursue me safe!

I think something that's good for me to remember in all of this is Ephesians 6, which goes through the armor of God. The first verse of that piece about the armor of God is:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power." (Ephesians 6:10).

What a powerful verse when you realize that GOD has so much strength and power. He created the universe, after all! How could the same one who created tornadoes, earthquakes, volcanoes, atoms, etc, not be able to handle MY problems and help me through this 6 month fast? How could he NOT keep me from being lonely?

I can have that strength in the Lord and His power. The next few verses tell me how:

11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. [The devil has nothing compared to God! He can only do as much as you allow him.]

12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. [We are in a battle with society, which tells us lies daily! One lie pertaining to the fast is that we cannot make it without a significant other there in our lives. We need someone around! We can choose to rely on God and find our strength and truth there. He's already won the battle for us.]

13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. [God fully equips us so that we are ready to stand firm in His strength! He will be our safeguard; He will be the "policeman" at the entrance of the bridge, flagging the cars and telling them they need to turn around because the bridge is closed.]

14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, [Righteousness is all about pleasing God with our character! His truth is the only truth that will prevail over all others that try to penetrate our hearts. With HIS truth marked on our hearts, we can avoid fear and temptation.]

15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. [Again, with His words written on our hearts, we can keep the negativity and struggles out!]

16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. [Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1). When we have faith, we are trusting that God is taking care of us. In this, I am trusting that God knows what He's doing. He can get me through these next 6 months. He has a plan for my life, and this will be a good time for me to really stop and take a look at what He's doing. I have faith that He will bring me through!]

17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. [When discouragement creeps in on us, we can remember His spirit is in US and by our sides through it all! He is taking care of us and loves us so much that He gives us salvation through His Spirit! He does not leave us unarmed, but has given us a weapon to fight the lies and the painful times with. Not to mention he's by our side the entire time.]

I am a bridge under construction.

I need this time to focus on the things I need to work on and get to a point where I am "safe" enough for people to cross over, per say! A relationship is currently not safe for me, so I need this safeguard (it's more for me than anyone else).

Let me tell you- this bridge is getting better and better everyday.